The Importance of Being Earnest

by Oscar Wilde

Second Act

Second Part

Scene. Garden at the Manor House. A flight of grey stone steps leads up to
the house. The garden, an old-fashioned one, full of roses. Time of year,
July. Basket chairs, and a table covered with books, are set under a large
yew tree. Cecily is at her studies.
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Cecily. (Picks up books and throws them back on table.) Horrid Political
Economy! Horrid Geography! Horrid, horrid German!

(Enter Merriman with a card on a salver.)

Merriman. Mr. Ernest Worthing has just driven over from the station. He has
brought his luggage with him.

Cecily. (Takes the card and reads it.) "Mr. Ernest Worthing, B. 4 The
Albany, W." Uncle Jack's brother! Did you tell him Mr. Worthing was in
town?

Merriman. Yes, Miss. He seemed very much disappointed. I mentioned that you
and Miss Prism were in the garden. He said he was anxious to speak to you
privately for a moment.

Cecily. Ask Mr. Ernest Worthing to come here. I suppose you had better talk
to the housekeeper about a room for him.

Merriman. Yes, Miss. (Merriman goes off.)

Cecily. I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather
frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like everyone else.

(Enter Algernon, very gay and debonair.)

He does! Algernon. (Raising his hat.) You are my little cousin Cecily, I'm
sure.

Cecily. You are under some strange mistake. I am not little. In fact, I
believe I am more than usually tall for my age. (Algernon is rather taken
aback.) But I am your cousin Cecily. You, I see from your card, are Uncle
Jack's brother, my cousin Ernest, my wicked cousin Ernest.

Algernon. Oh! I am not really wicked at all, cousin Cecily. You mustn't
think that I am wicked.

Cecily. If you are not, then you have certainly been deceiving us all in a
very inexcusable manner. I hope you have not been leading a double life,
pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be
hypocrisy.

Algeron. (Looks at her in amazement.) Oh! Of course I have been rather
reckless.

Cecily. I am glad to hear it.

Algernon. In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very bad in my
own small way.

Cecily. I don't think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it
must have been very pleasant.

Algernon. It is much pleasanter being here with you.

Cecily. I can't understand how you are here at all. Uncle Jack won't be
back till Monday afternoon.

Algernon. That is a great disappointment. I am obliged to go up by the
first train on Monday morning. I have a business appointment that I am
anxious ... to miss.

Cecily. Couldn't you miss it anywhere but in London?

Algernon. No; the appointment is in London.

Cecily. Well, I know, of course, how important it is not to keep a business
engagement, if one wants to retain any sense of the beauty of life, but
still I think you had better wait till Uncle Jack arrives. I know he wants
to speak to you about your emigrating.

Algernon. About my what?

Cecily. Your emigrating. He has gone up to buy your outfit.

Algernon. I certainly wouldn't let Jack buy my outfit. He has no taste in
neckties at all.

Cecily. I don't think you will require neckties. Uncle Jack is sending you
to Australia.

Algernon. Australia? I'd sooner die.

Cecily. Well, he said at dinner on Wednesday night, that you would have to
choose between this world, the next world, and Australia.

Algernon. Aoh, well! The accounts I have received of Australia and the next
world are not particularly encouraging. This world is good enough for me,
cousin Cecily.

Cecily. Yes, but are you good enough for it?

Algernon. I'm afraid I'm not that. That is why I want you to reform me. You
might make that your mission, if you don't mind, cousin Cecily.

Cecily. I'm afraid I've no time, this afternoon.

Algernon. Well, would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon?

Cecily. It is rather quixotic of you. But I think you should try.

Algernon. I will. I feel better already.

Cecily. You are looking a little worse.

Algernon. That is because I am hungry.

Cecily. How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when one is
going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome
meals. Won't you come in?

Algernon. Thank you. Might I have a button-hole first? I never have any
appetite unless I have a button-hole first.

Cecily. A Marchal Niel? (Picks up scissors.)

Algernon. No, I'd sooner have a pink rose.

Cecily. Why? (Cuts a flower.)

Algernon. Because you are like a pink rose, cousin Cecily.

Cecily. I don't think it can be right for you to talk to me like that. Miss
Prism never says such things to me.

Algernon. Then Miss Prism is a short-sighted old lady. (Cecily puts the
rose in his button-hole.) You are the prettiest girl I ever say.

Cecily. Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.

Algernon. They are a snare that every sensible man would like to be caught
in.

Cecily. Oh! I don't think I would care to catch a sensible man. I shouldn't
know what to talk to him about.

(They pass into the house. Miss Prism and Dr. Chasuble return.)

Miss Prism. You are too much alone, dear Dr. Chasuble. You should bet
married. A misanthrope I can understand--a womanthrope, never!

   * Next: Act II, Part III

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The Scenes of the Play

   * Act I: Algernon Moncrieff's Flat in Half-Moon Street, W.
   * Act II: The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.
        o Part 1
        o Part 3
        o Part 4
        o Part 5
        o Part 6
        o Part 7
   * Act III: Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton

Transcription and organization by Jerry Stratton, for FireBlade
Coffeehouse. If you have any comments or questions, please let us know!
Jerry
jerry@acusd.edu
